So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
