So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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