im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
