I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
