Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
