Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
