You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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