youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
