You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
