So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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