Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize