I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
