I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
