I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
