You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize