I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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