they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize