He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize