I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
