all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
