??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
