my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
