WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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