Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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