i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Please don't give away my fajitas
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