Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
