Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
