whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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