I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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