Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
