well I can't set my house on fire every night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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