So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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