I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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