I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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