Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
