no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
