omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
