I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
