This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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