I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
