Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
