Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
