The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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