During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
