did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize