Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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