can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
