Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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