So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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