porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
