it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
