I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
