Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
