this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
