You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
