he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
