just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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