Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
