I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
