And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
