whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
