I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sarcasm needs its own font
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
