lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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