She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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