Only a mothe r could love this liver
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
